This is the design of the t-shirt ash made me for christmas! i will meet him....someday
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Monday, January 28, 2008
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
just a few things....
1. i have replaced food and sleep with beer
2. flash action scripting is a major biatch
3. i don't wanna be an animal
2. flash action scripting is a major biatch
3. i don't wanna be an animal
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Part 2 of joel's blog getting into the world series
Friday, October 27
Game 5 of the 2006 World Series
Series - Cards 3; Tigers 1
So I got to the stadium at like 6 so I'd have an hour to make my plan of operation for getting into Busch for the potential clinching game for the Cardinals to be the World Champs.
I spent an hour walking laps around the stadium. I was looking for any low gates, or trash cans close enough to the gates, or unguarded gates or any possible way that I could break into the stadium and just bolt in.
I met this really cool usher named Steve something who was guarding of the doors and begged him to let me in. We kinda bonded and I told him about how I had snuck into game 3. He was impressed, but couldn't let me in, because the door was covered by cameras.
I kept trying, I ran into two teenage black guys who were taking those huge dumpsters on wheels around and loading smaller trash cans into it. They were inside the stadium, so we talked through the gate, and I proposed giving them some cash to sneak me into the big dumpster, cover me in trash, and release me once I was safely inside. They considered it seriously for a while, but decided against it. Because there is a different crew who is allowed to go outside, so it would look funny if they went outside and came back in.
I rallied up every group of punk kids who looked like they need to be inside as badly as I did. I found a group of 5 of them who were eyeing a handicapped door which was unlocked and the guard wasn't really looking. I debated that with them for a while. Decided against and gave them a tour of all my previous ideas to get their feedback. So while we're walking one of the kids said they got in the night before with a used ticket stub.
So I bounced on the kids, called my boy Randy and begged him to slide his ticket out the gate for me. He does, but it's too easy and I just know that it's not going to work. Since I know it's not gonna work, I try to be too sneaky and go in one of the side doors – not the main gates. At the door there are no ushers, just security guards.
So I'm like, "Hey, can I get back in here?"
The guards like, "Let me see your ticket… It's not stamped… You were already in?"
"Yeah." I'm so full of it.
"Your ticket should be stamped. Which gate did you leave out of?"
I point to my left.
"They shouldn't have let you out that gate."
So I'm sick of this guy and it's not getting me anywhere, so I take my ticket and end our conversation prematurely and walk on to the next gate to try this scanning a used ticket thing. At the next gate, I wait in line forever, get to the usher, she scans the ticket and it clears and beeps. So I'm in. The asshole security guard had followed me from the inside though, because I was being suspicious. So he stops me and takes me back to the usher who scanned my ticket.
"Did this guy's ticket beep?"
She's like, "Yeah, I wouldn't have let him in if it didn't."
So the guards like 20 questions on me: "Why'd you try to get in the other door? Where'd you get your ticket? When did you get your ticket?"
I bullshit lie to all of his questions and I'm like, "What's the deal man? I'm just trying to go watch the game." I'm totally freaking out at this time, but try to come of as cool.
He asks me some more questions and I'm like, "Look, I hadn't already been in the stadium. I was trying to go in your side door so I wouldn't have to wait in line."
It totally works, the guard laughs at me and calls me a dumbass and let's me go. So I apologize for lying to him – kinda ironic – and go to the game.
I go watch the game. Weaver weaves us a dream. Eckstien gets some big hits. Pujols makes an amazing diving grab, rolls over, and throws to first between his legs. Weaver wins, Verlander loses, and Wainright gets the save. Cards won 4-2 and take the World Series in 5 games!!!
After that, I run around hug a bunch of strangers, give more high fives than I probably have in my entire life.
After watching all the footage of Eckstein winning Series MVP and the handing over of the trophy, I end up down to the left side of the Cardinals dugout where the gate is to get into the field. I immediately start schmoozing the gatekeeper who's name is Aubrey.
I'm hanging out behind the gate for all the Cards interviews. I got to shake hands with Dave McCay, Gary Bennet, and David Eckstien. I took like 5 pictures of David and I hanging out, and I hear I was on the news because they were showing David hanging out with the fans.
After all the Cards went back to party, I kept schmoozing Aubrey, most of it went like this: "Yo, let me on the field."
"Man, you really want to get arrested don't you." He was joking. He was really nice. I keep bugging all the rich people walking into the field, "Hey, take me with you." They all smile and laugh and keep walking.
Finally, this one chick who had been on and off the field like 3 times, said that if she came back again she would take me with her thanks to a little Sjerven Shine. So she really came back and told Aubrey that I'm cool, so he lets me on the field with a big smile. He knew how hard I had been trying to get on, so he was happy for me. I'm soooooo greatful to this mystery woman who brought me onto the field. So I beg her that if there is anyway that I can ever repay her and I thank her for like 5 minutes. She's all like, "No, just go run the bases and have fun." So she took a picture of me sliding into home and a picture of me pitching off the mound. Then I bounced so I could go check out the outfield and give my best Jimmy Edmonds impression.
After I was done playing around in the outfield I was working my way back out and I got this guy to take my picture in front of the Cardinals dugout when another usher grabs me and is like, "Hey, you're not supposed to be in here."
I'm like, "Some chick brought me in, for real."
He drags me out to the gate and asks Aubrey. Aubrey back me up, "Yeah, the owner's daughter took him in."
"The owner's daughter??? Aubrey, you didn't tell me that, man." Damn! Then I proceeded to run around downtown distributing more high fives, dancing like an idiot, and kissing poor Tigers fans. That summarizes the greatest night of my life thus far.
Game 5 of the 2006 World Series
Series - Cards 3; Tigers 1
So I got to the stadium at like 6 so I'd have an hour to make my plan of operation for getting into Busch for the potential clinching game for the Cardinals to be the World Champs.
I spent an hour walking laps around the stadium. I was looking for any low gates, or trash cans close enough to the gates, or unguarded gates or any possible way that I could break into the stadium and just bolt in.
I met this really cool usher named Steve something who was guarding of the doors and begged him to let me in. We kinda bonded and I told him about how I had snuck into game 3. He was impressed, but couldn't let me in, because the door was covered by cameras.
I kept trying, I ran into two teenage black guys who were taking those huge dumpsters on wheels around and loading smaller trash cans into it. They were inside the stadium, so we talked through the gate, and I proposed giving them some cash to sneak me into the big dumpster, cover me in trash, and release me once I was safely inside. They considered it seriously for a while, but decided against it. Because there is a different crew who is allowed to go outside, so it would look funny if they went outside and came back in.
I rallied up every group of punk kids who looked like they need to be inside as badly as I did. I found a group of 5 of them who were eyeing a handicapped door which was unlocked and the guard wasn't really looking. I debated that with them for a while. Decided against and gave them a tour of all my previous ideas to get their feedback. So while we're walking one of the kids said they got in the night before with a used ticket stub.
So I bounced on the kids, called my boy Randy and begged him to slide his ticket out the gate for me. He does, but it's too easy and I just know that it's not going to work. Since I know it's not gonna work, I try to be too sneaky and go in one of the side doors – not the main gates. At the door there are no ushers, just security guards.
So I'm like, "Hey, can I get back in here?"
The guards like, "Let me see your ticket… It's not stamped… You were already in?"
"Yeah." I'm so full of it.
"Your ticket should be stamped. Which gate did you leave out of?"
I point to my left.
"They shouldn't have let you out that gate."
So I'm sick of this guy and it's not getting me anywhere, so I take my ticket and end our conversation prematurely and walk on to the next gate to try this scanning a used ticket thing. At the next gate, I wait in line forever, get to the usher, she scans the ticket and it clears and beeps. So I'm in. The asshole security guard had followed me from the inside though, because I was being suspicious. So he stops me and takes me back to the usher who scanned my ticket.
"Did this guy's ticket beep?"
She's like, "Yeah, I wouldn't have let him in if it didn't."
So the guards like 20 questions on me: "Why'd you try to get in the other door? Where'd you get your ticket? When did you get your ticket?"
I bullshit lie to all of his questions and I'm like, "What's the deal man? I'm just trying to go watch the game." I'm totally freaking out at this time, but try to come of as cool.
He asks me some more questions and I'm like, "Look, I hadn't already been in the stadium. I was trying to go in your side door so I wouldn't have to wait in line."
It totally works, the guard laughs at me and calls me a dumbass and let's me go. So I apologize for lying to him – kinda ironic – and go to the game.
I go watch the game. Weaver weaves us a dream. Eckstien gets some big hits. Pujols makes an amazing diving grab, rolls over, and throws to first between his legs. Weaver wins, Verlander loses, and Wainright gets the save. Cards won 4-2 and take the World Series in 5 games!!!
After that, I run around hug a bunch of strangers, give more high fives than I probably have in my entire life.
After watching all the footage of Eckstein winning Series MVP and the handing over of the trophy, I end up down to the left side of the Cardinals dugout where the gate is to get into the field. I immediately start schmoozing the gatekeeper who's name is Aubrey.
I'm hanging out behind the gate for all the Cards interviews. I got to shake hands with Dave McCay, Gary Bennet, and David Eckstien. I took like 5 pictures of David and I hanging out, and I hear I was on the news because they were showing David hanging out with the fans.
After all the Cards went back to party, I kept schmoozing Aubrey, most of it went like this: "Yo, let me on the field."
"Man, you really want to get arrested don't you." He was joking. He was really nice. I keep bugging all the rich people walking into the field, "Hey, take me with you." They all smile and laugh and keep walking.
Finally, this one chick who had been on and off the field like 3 times, said that if she came back again she would take me with her thanks to a little Sjerven Shine. So she really came back and told Aubrey that I'm cool, so he lets me on the field with a big smile. He knew how hard I had been trying to get on, so he was happy for me. I'm soooooo greatful to this mystery woman who brought me onto the field. So I beg her that if there is anyway that I can ever repay her and I thank her for like 5 minutes. She's all like, "No, just go run the bases and have fun." So she took a picture of me sliding into home and a picture of me pitching off the mound. Then I bounced so I could go check out the outfield and give my best Jimmy Edmonds impression.
After I was done playing around in the outfield I was working my way back out and I got this guy to take my picture in front of the Cardinals dugout when another usher grabs me and is like, "Hey, you're not supposed to be in here."
I'm like, "Some chick brought me in, for real."
He drags me out to the gate and asks Aubrey. Aubrey back me up, "Yeah, the owner's daughter took him in."
"The owner's daughter??? Aubrey, you didn't tell me that, man." Damn! Then I proceeded to run around downtown distributing more high fives, dancing like an idiot, and kissing poor Tigers fans. That summarizes the greatest night of my life thus far.
Part 1 - my friend joel, TOO fabulous not to share with the world
This is Part one of joel getting into the world series:
I heard one of my co-workers, Nurse Jerry, was volunteering to run a concession stand for the game. Anxious to find my way in the stadium any way possible, I asked her if I could tag along. She said it was cool, but she highly doubted that I would get in. So, after work we drive downtown and she takes me to the secret side door for volunteers.
At the door there are like 5 cops and one of them asks who we're volunteering for and Jerry's like, "St. Andrew's for Habitat for Humanity". The cop asks to see our IDs so I figure I'm already out of luck. He takes our IDs and puts some dashes on his clipboard without running our names against it.
Jerry leads me downstairs to this room where all the vendors and ushers are clocking in and getting their uniforms together, and I was freaking out with anticipation and excitement of possibly getting into the World Series. So we go to this back room for volunteers and they give us shirts and pants to change. I go to the dressing room and I'm changing with all these sexy vendors who are rapping about how high they are and so we kinda hit it off. I get all sexy in my volunteer get up and go back to the volunteer room.
The head lady tells me to sign in on these two sheets, so I find the ones for Habitat and sign in. I'm feeling good, because I've got my outfit and I'm signed in, so I figure I'm gold. Then this guy takes the sheet that I signed in on and pulls out this secret sheet that I didn't see. He checks my name off the sign in sheet against his secret sheet, and he's like:
"Your name's not on here. You sure you spelled it right?"
"Yeah"
"Huh, hold on", and he grabs the boss lady.
The boss lady is like, "So when'd you train?"
"Uh… I don't know, I guess a while ago."
"Well was it this year?"
"Yeah, I'm sure it was this year"
"Alright, let me see your ID."
So I give her my ID and she takes into the back room to run it against her computer. After a few minutes she comes back, and is like, "You haven't been trained this year. You can't handle food or alcohol." So I ask if there's anything else I can help out with. She sends me to some other lady who laughs at me. "It's the World Series. We have more volunteers than we can use… You're gonna have to go change back into your clothes and leave."
I get my clothes back from the guys who checked them and go change back out in the dressing room. I'm talking to all the pothead vendor guys again. They're still cool. When I get back into my normal clothes I go out, but instead of going up the stairs to where all the cops are waiting on the first floor guarding all the entrances, I take the elevator up to the top floor – floor 4.
When I get off the elevator, I run to the balcony and watch the Cards having batting practice. I'm totally freaking out, because I'm in Busch Stadium for a World Series game. I took some pictures and stood there for a minute before I realized that I was the only on the whole floor aside from a handful of ushers. I looked outside and realized that people were still lined up and they hadn't opened the gates. It was only like 5:00, so I had like 30 minutes before gates open and I looked pretty suspicious being the only guy hanging out up there and I definitely did not have a ticket.
I ducked behind a corner and sat down Indian style and waited for like 20 minutes until people started coming upstairs. Then I just walked around all Busch Stadium. Took it in. Watched the game. Saw Carp pitch 8 shut out innings. Jimmy Baseball delivered with a big hit with the bases loaded to continue to be The Man. Hung out with drunk good old Jon Daly. I can't wait to tell my grandkids.
I heard one of my co-workers, Nurse Jerry, was volunteering to run a concession stand for the game. Anxious to find my way in the stadium any way possible, I asked her if I could tag along. She said it was cool, but she highly doubted that I would get in. So, after work we drive downtown and she takes me to the secret side door for volunteers.
At the door there are like 5 cops and one of them asks who we're volunteering for and Jerry's like, "St. Andrew's for Habitat for Humanity". The cop asks to see our IDs so I figure I'm already out of luck. He takes our IDs and puts some dashes on his clipboard without running our names against it.
Jerry leads me downstairs to this room where all the vendors and ushers are clocking in and getting their uniforms together, and I was freaking out with anticipation and excitement of possibly getting into the World Series. So we go to this back room for volunteers and they give us shirts and pants to change. I go to the dressing room and I'm changing with all these sexy vendors who are rapping about how high they are and so we kinda hit it off. I get all sexy in my volunteer get up and go back to the volunteer room.
The head lady tells me to sign in on these two sheets, so I find the ones for Habitat and sign in. I'm feeling good, because I've got my outfit and I'm signed in, so I figure I'm gold. Then this guy takes the sheet that I signed in on and pulls out this secret sheet that I didn't see. He checks my name off the sign in sheet against his secret sheet, and he's like:
"Your name's not on here. You sure you spelled it right?"
"Yeah"
"Huh, hold on", and he grabs the boss lady.
The boss lady is like, "So when'd you train?"
"Uh… I don't know, I guess a while ago."
"Well was it this year?"
"Yeah, I'm sure it was this year"
"Alright, let me see your ID."
So I give her my ID and she takes into the back room to run it against her computer. After a few minutes she comes back, and is like, "You haven't been trained this year. You can't handle food or alcohol." So I ask if there's anything else I can help out with. She sends me to some other lady who laughs at me. "It's the World Series. We have more volunteers than we can use… You're gonna have to go change back into your clothes and leave."
I get my clothes back from the guys who checked them and go change back out in the dressing room. I'm talking to all the pothead vendor guys again. They're still cool. When I get back into my normal clothes I go out, but instead of going up the stairs to where all the cops are waiting on the first floor guarding all the entrances, I take the elevator up to the top floor – floor 4.
When I get off the elevator, I run to the balcony and watch the Cards having batting practice. I'm totally freaking out, because I'm in Busch Stadium for a World Series game. I took some pictures and stood there for a minute before I realized that I was the only on the whole floor aside from a handful of ushers. I looked outside and realized that people were still lined up and they hadn't opened the gates. It was only like 5:00, so I had like 30 minutes before gates open and I looked pretty suspicious being the only guy hanging out up there and I definitely did not have a ticket.
I ducked behind a corner and sat down Indian style and waited for like 20 minutes until people started coming upstairs. Then I just walked around all Busch Stadium. Took it in. Watched the game. Saw Carp pitch 8 shut out innings. Jimmy Baseball delivered with a big hit with the bases loaded to continue to be The Man. Hung out with drunk good old Jon Daly. I can't wait to tell my grandkids.
This could help pass the time
THINGS YOU CAN DO WITH ABSOLUTELY NOTHING
Push your eyes for interesting light show
(Amusement Potential: 1-5 minutes)
See a variety of blobs, stars and flashes. Try to make out things your subconscious is trying to send you a message? Can you control what you see by pressing different areas with different forces? Would it be possible to somehow see the same effects on TV?
See how long you can hold your breath
(Amusement Potential: 4-20 minutes)
Not that much fun, but it sure passes the time. Play with a friend, or try to beat your own personal best. Some tips: hyperventilate before hand, and stay as still as possible. My personal best is 2:00 (exactly).
Try to not think about penguins
(Amusement Potential: 1-5 minutes)
This is especially hard, because by trying too much, you remember what you were trying to avoid thinking of. If you try too little, you end up thinking about penguins anyway.
Use your secret mind power
(Amusement Potential: 5-10 minutes)
Pick a passing by and try to use your mind power to command them do something, like drop their bag or knock into someone. The law of averages dictates that sooner or later one of your mind commands will come true, so you can convince yourself that you really have super human powers and waste even more time trying them out.
Scratch yourself
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
Go ahead, scratch yourself now. Even if nothing itches, go ahead. Doesn't that feel pretty good?
Repeat the same word over and over until it loses its meaning
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
Pick a random word out of a magazine and say it aloud to yourself until it becomes a meaningless set of noises.
Hurt yourself
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
What is pain? Why is it unpleasant? There's nothing physical about it - it's all in your mind. Plus, after pinching yourself for awhile, boredom will seem nice next to being in pain.
Try to swallow your tongue
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
There's not much to say about this one. It is possible.
Pretend to be a car
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
Make appropriate revving noises in your head as you walk along and add a racing commentary as you pass strangers in the street. Use blinking eyes as indicators for extra authenticity.
Look at something for awhile, shut eyes, study after image
(Amusement Potential: 2-5 minutes)
Another great time waster. It takes about 30 seconds of staring to create an after image, and the image is then viewable for about the same length of time. Fun to combine this one with pushing on your eyes.
Get yourself as nauseated as possible
(Amusement Potential: 5-10 minutes)
Best achieved by looking straight up and spinning around. Try to be so dizzy you can't even stand up. This is also entertaining due to the "makes boredom seem a lot better" effect (see "Hurt Yourself").
Push your eyes for interesting light show
(Amusement Potential: 1-5 minutes)
See a variety of blobs, stars and flashes. Try to make out things your subconscious is trying to send you a message? Can you control what you see by pressing different areas with different forces? Would it be possible to somehow see the same effects on TV?
See how long you can hold your breath
(Amusement Potential: 4-20 minutes)
Not that much fun, but it sure passes the time. Play with a friend, or try to beat your own personal best. Some tips: hyperventilate before hand, and stay as still as possible. My personal best is 2:00 (exactly).
Try to not think about penguins
(Amusement Potential: 1-5 minutes)
This is especially hard, because by trying too much, you remember what you were trying to avoid thinking of. If you try too little, you end up thinking about penguins anyway.
Use your secret mind power
(Amusement Potential: 5-10 minutes)
Pick a passing by and try to use your mind power to command them do something, like drop their bag or knock into someone. The law of averages dictates that sooner or later one of your mind commands will come true, so you can convince yourself that you really have super human powers and waste even more time trying them out.
Scratch yourself
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
Go ahead, scratch yourself now. Even if nothing itches, go ahead. Doesn't that feel pretty good?
Repeat the same word over and over until it loses its meaning
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
Pick a random word out of a magazine and say it aloud to yourself until it becomes a meaningless set of noises.
Hurt yourself
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
What is pain? Why is it unpleasant? There's nothing physical about it - it's all in your mind. Plus, after pinching yourself for awhile, boredom will seem nice next to being in pain.
Try to swallow your tongue
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
There's not much to say about this one. It is possible.
Pretend to be a car
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
Make appropriate revving noises in your head as you walk along and add a racing commentary as you pass strangers in the street. Use blinking eyes as indicators for extra authenticity.
Look at something for awhile, shut eyes, study after image
(Amusement Potential: 2-5 minutes)
Another great time waster. It takes about 30 seconds of staring to create an after image, and the image is then viewable for about the same length of time. Fun to combine this one with pushing on your eyes.
Get yourself as nauseated as possible
(Amusement Potential: 5-10 minutes)
Best achieved by looking straight up and spinning around. Try to be so dizzy you can't even stand up. This is also entertaining due to the "makes boredom seem a lot better" effect (see "Hurt Yourself").
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)